Someone I love is dying. Or I am.

An end-of-life doula for a person is a non-medical companion who helps you plan, stays present through dying, and takes on the administrative work afterwards. I work alongside hospice, doctors, lawyers and funeral directors, not instead of them. I am the one person in the room whose only job is you.

What does a doula do before a death?

Most families put this off because it feels like giving up. It is the opposite. Getting wishes on paper while the person can still say them out loud is the single kindest thing you can do for the people who will be in the room at the end.

• Advance directive and healthcare proxy, drafted in plain language and actually signed.
• Wishes for care: where, with whom, how much intervention, what music, what silence.
• Wishes for the body: burial, cremation, donation, green burial, a home vigil, none of the above.
• The document hunt: the will, the deeds, the policies, the passwords, and who holds which one.
• The honest conversation about what the family is going to disagree about. Cheaper to have now.
• A plan for the animals, the plants, the tenants, the business, the things that keep going.

What does a doula do during dying?

Dying is slow and then sudden, and families run out of sleep long before they run out of love. I keep vigil so you can rest, eat and shower. I make the tea, answer the door, field the relatives, and stay calm when the breathing changes, because I have sat through it before and I am not frightened of it.

• Vigil hours, including overnight, at home, in hospice or in hospital.
• Explaining, plainly, what the body is doing and what is coming next.
• Reading aloud, music, hand-holding, or nothing at all. The person decides.
• Gatekeeping: who comes in, for how long, and who is gently sent home.
• Being there at the moment, if you want me to be, and helping you with the first hour afterwards.

What happens after the death?

A death generates an astonishing amount of paperwork, and it arrives exactly when you have the least capacity for it. I work through the full checklist with you or for you: certificates, notifications, accounts, subscriptions, the digital estate, the gathering, the thank-you notes. You grieve; I hold the phone.

I am an administrator, not a lawyer, accountant or medic. I organize, chase, draft and file, and I will tell you plainly when something needs a professional, and help you find a good one.

What it costs, and how it starts

The first thirty minutes are free, always. After that I work by the hour for vigil and admin, or for a flat fee for the whole arc. I quote in writing and nothing starts until you say so. Start by booking a call, or ring me on 718 360 7697.